In our society, a child is an invaluable gift to the country, community and family. But what happens when that family, the closest social support the child has, is ripped apart into two begrudged and vengeful sides? Each loathing the other with intensity leaving the child lost as to which of the sides to hate less.
And I speak of things I have experienced and seen in my brief moment as a teacher in a school. I will call her Belinda (not her real name) and she’s six and the older of two children; separated among parents. Divorced parents.
And up until the point I discovered that fact, I saw her as your typical low-performing student. And although she had sporadic episodes of crying, I overlooked them as the tantrums of a child.
It is unfortunate, because I fear that her father shares my previous sentiments about her disposition – treating it as mere childish whining. But children in their early ages are very perceptive and are equally impressionable. That isn’t very good news when that child’s early ages are scarred with the marks of a divorce no matter how “amicable” it seems to both parties. The truth is that in most cases the amicability is measured by the reaction of the one or both spouses and not that of the child.
But to truly understand the effects of the divorce on the child we would have to analyze the divorce process in question.Research has shown that distressed couples whose marriages ultimately end in divorce engage in more negative than positive interactions in the months leading to the division. It is at this point that all the bitter arguments, name callings and hostility come into play. It is also at this point that the child observes his or her only social supports split into two opposing sides. The child is left at sea as to what to think and feel perplexed as to what the cause of the turmoil is. In some cases the young ones may go as far as blaming themselves. They may believe that their “naughtiness” is the cause of the rift in the family.
You leave a child struggling with the additional emotional and psychological burden as if they don’t have enough trouble in their little lives. And this was the case with Belinda; she always seemed distracted and unaffected by the happenings around her. The result of this is a chain reaction that ends up steeling up the child emotionally and psychologically. She feels betrayed and finds it hard to trust; in this case she became intolerably adamant and had a tendency to be violent. A phenomenon that we will be further discussed in this series.
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Appetite whetted yet? If yes, this piece is part of a two pronged story which will hopefully be ending by Friday. Till then keep reading more great content with us. See you on Friday!
Writer’s e-mail: kojoyorke@outlook.com
