Communication is the heart of all relationships and just as there can be no human life without a heart, there can be no fulfilling relationship without effective communication. Effective communication among others, helps you understand each other better, resolve your challenges and achieve your goals.
On the other hand, if you can’t communicate effectively, you can’t sort out issues like sex, money and parenting which arise in your marriage.
Communication can be verbal or non verbal. Verbal communication refers to what comes out of your mouth. It includes face to face talk and video. You may also sing, cry, groan or make sounds of sadness or happiness.
Verbal communication usually involves talking, listening, understanding and giving feedback. The most difficult among them is listening
Importance of listening
Listening is the bridge between hearing and understanding. It is therefore key to understanding a message. You listen to your lover to enjoy his presence, learn something, share ideas, give or accept help.
All partners in relationships therefore have the need to be listened to. It is all an act of acceptance, unity, kindness and love.
Listening is not the same as hearing. You hear for your benefit but you listen for the sake of your lover. Listening then is about putting the cares of your lover above yours to show you care.
Good listening increases the quality of your relationship. It heals hurts, solves problems and creates ideas. On the other hand, if you refuse to listen, your lover withdraws because he or she feels his or her thoughts and opinions are not valued. You simply put your relationship at risk.
How to listen
Listening takes effort and patience as you allow your lover to explore his or her thoughts and feelings at his or her own pace. The primary task of a listener is to stay out of the speaker’s way.
The best way to listen is to stop whatever you are doing and focus on your lover. Look at your lover attentively just as the eyes of God are towards the righteous and his ears attentive to their cry.
Listen to the actual content, tone of voice and body language. Put yourself in your lover’s shoes so that you can see the world through his or her eyes. Listening also means you are not going to interrupt or think about what you are going to say when your lover stops speaking.
Nod once in a while to show you hear, accept and understand what is being said. Verbally connect with “yes”, “ok’, “is that so?”
Put your lover at ease. Ask questions to seek clarification but avoid questions that divert speaker’s subject matter. State in your own words what you think the speaker said to seek the right information.
Accept what is being said even if you may disagree. Keep your body language open to show you are listening carefully and encourage your lover to speak. If you listen well, you must be able to repeat key ideas of what your lover says.
Why men appear not to listen
Unlike a woman, a man’s brain is divided into two compartments. One is for talking and listening. The other is for solving problems and performing tasks. A man normally engages one side of the brain at a time. He is more comfortable solving problems because it gives him a feeling of control.
When a woman talks a man usually instinctively sees what he hears as a problem and shifts his mind to solve her problem. He can’t listen and solve problems or perform tasks at the same time. He only appears to listen.
Some men also think that listening to a woman is a sign of weakness and attempt by women to control them. They therefore refuse to listen.
Do you listen to your woman?
A woman loves to talk about everything and in detail. She must talk, twice more than her man, because she, unlike a man, sometimes organises her thoughts, feelings, ideas and problems externally through talking.
As a woman articulates her problems, she files them off even without solution from her lover. This means by just listening and focusing less on her problems, a man can assist his lover gently to feel better just by listening.
If your woman is upset, do less talking and listen more. Your listening will give an emotional fulfillment as it assures her she is special, valued, appreciated and wanted.
What your woman needs most from you is careful listening without an argument. Allow her to state her feelings .She will solve her own problems if you just listen to her and make her feel appreciated and loved.
Appreciate also that your woman has a radar or intuition that helps her detect issues before they happen even if she can’t explain what she feels. She has a gift from God to get out of certain danger if you listen to her.
Majority of men who refuse to listen to their women live to regret. You must therefore make every effort to listen to your woman with an open heart. Let careful listening be one of the greatest gifts you give to your woman.
A good listener is a good friend and a good lover.